It's all gone tits up!

Throughout pregnancy some basic everyday tasks become a challenge. Just getting up in the morning can feel like you've run a marathon and make you want to get back into bed. You just feel so heavy at all times. This feeling and your changing body can cause all sorts of mini moments of ridiculousness. Trust me they happened regularly to me!

Take for example bath time. Whilst being pregnant I developed a love for baths. I personally felt like a sealion during the day, huge and unable to walk easily. I just flopped from place to place and then struggled to stand up again but being in the bath was comfortable. I see why these giant, wobbly creatures love a bit of water.

On one occasion, whilst lying in the bath, I had for some reason, not actually sure why, put my arms underneath me. This is where the issue started. I was having a lovely relaxing bath, laying down, nice and warm but when I came to sit up disaster struck. I was officially stuck. How are you meant to sit up? I didn't bend in the middle any way as the bump was in the way but I also didn't have any arms to pull myself up. What to do? How can I save myself without embarrassing myself or more likely hurting myself? I rocked around a bit trying to free my arms but that didn't work, I just splashed water everywhere. Plan b was to shout for help knowing Ed was downstairs. So the shouting started..."help! Help me I'm stuck!." Nope that didn't work. No sign of Edward. I tried again "helllllllp me I'm drowning". Still nothing. A big part of this problem was my head was still in the water so I couldn't actually hear if there was a response. I must have been shouting for five minutes before Ed appeared all confused stating "are you shouting for help? I had headphones in." Bloody brilliant! I'm freezing in the bath as the water has gone cold and I have no arms to top it up and Ed is downstairs with noise cancelling headphones on. I could have been dying and he wouldn't know. When he did eventually arrive to the bathroom he helped me out. I can imagine I was a bit like a big, naked slippery fish but I had been saved by a man who couldn't stop laughing about me and calling me offensive names all about my stupidity! I do see where he was coming from though I had put myself in this ridiculous situation - arms are needed!!

Life also seemed to go wrong everytime I got in the car. Being in the car seemed to give me an overwhelming urge to throw up. My windscreen often had to be cleaned and Ed got used to helping me scrub the seats/seatbelts. I never thought I would have to carry sick bags around with me. Unfortunately, on many occasions, I was unable to open the sick back quick enough which resulted in larger volumes of sick everywhere. It was disgusting and the smell/thought of the sick would make me cry and be sick even more. I hate sick and I hate horrible smells they make me gag, especially when my sense of smell was heighten as much as it was during pregnancy. My sense of smell was so good I could probably give pigs a run for their money and sniff out truffles in the woods! But the volume of vomit my car saw was overwhelming. Ed was lovely and made me feel better about it until on one occasion, in the Co-op car park I turned to talk to him and threw up all over him. It was in his lap, on his shirt and the worst part for him was it got him in the eye. To say he wasn't a happy bunny is an understatement. We were both horrified but he failed to see the funny side until a few weeks later, whereas I found it hilarious before we even made it home. Finding things funny about your husband when he doesn't is not the way forward, this makes them more pissy about the whole situation! 

Whilst being pregnant we had snow. I love snow. I turn into a small child in the snow and love to go out and play in it. The morning I woke up and saw the snow I was out in it and on my way to the shops to buy supplies before 7am obviously waking Ed up to join me and share my excitement. He didn't have the reaction I expected. He didn't seem as impressed as I was. I went out in my pyjamas, wellies, hat, glove, coat etc. There is no time to get ready properly when snow is involved, you never know how long it will last.

The next morning it had snowed more and we had received the golden text message to tell us it was a snow day! No work! Hooray! Every teachers dream is that magnificent snow day text and this was the day we had received it. It was decided we would turn this surprise day off into a duvet day with an epic lie in. As we sat in bed eating our breakfast I noticed the ceiling was leaking. Oh shit! For those of you that know us know that DIY is not our strong point and this would be an expensive job. The water was dripping on my arm. The snow was obviously melting and coming through the roof. I literally had no idea what to do in this situation. I decided to find where the leak was coming from and assess the situation - not sure what I was going to do to assess it but I thought it was a good idea. While looking for the leak I discovered it was almost following me. Moving ever so slightly to find the exact point but I noticed the water was still dripping on me and I couldn't find any hole in the ceiling. Ed was also confused as to how water was dripping into our bedroom seen as there is a loft above us before the roof. It suddenly dawned on me, this wasn't going to be an expensive job at all. Probably would only cost a couple of quid as it was an issue that breast pads could solve. Our ceiling was not leaking in the slightest but my nipple was! I didn't know that this could happen pre birth. It was something I had never experienced and didn't even think to look and see if it was my nipples. This is not something I was warned about or even considered could happen. Who would have thought you could fix a ceiling leak with a bra and a cotton wool pad thing?

Pregnancy demonstrated lots of ridiculous moments to me. In addition to the above there was also.

1. Getting stuck in a gate at a primary school after a meeting as I forgot I had a bump and squeezing through the gap was impossible.
2. Teaching dance and getting on the floor to demonstrate then struggling to get back up while the kids all stood chuckling.
3. Discovering you cannot get up from anywhere especially in an emergency situation.
4. Putting your socks and shoes on. You do not bend in the middle and this is vital to reach your feet.

Plus many more.

Pregnancy for me involved ridiculous moments happening again and again. These were more than practical confusions but also a variety of hilarious comments. I even had people, mostly kids at work, ask the funniest questions which left me stumped how to answer.

1. Are you having a mixed race baby? (A point to bare in mind at this point is Ed and I are both white British and both teach this child who is fully aware we are married!)
2. Will you be having a natural labour? (Erm......)
3. It must be wonderful not to bleed for 9 months, periods are crap  (announced proudly by one girl in front of the whole of her class)
4. Was it planned? (Who asks this? Who?)
5. Can I touch your bump? (No you bloody well cannot)

Being pregnant threw up not just vom but a range of situations I never thought I would find myself in!!