Keeping the secret.

Once you have discovered you are growing a human you have to actually let people know. The question is when?

Society tells you to wait until your 12 week scan in case something goes wrong but if something does go wrong you will want the love and support of those around you. So what do you do?

Me and Ed told the select few, mostly relatives and those who sniffed it out like a blood hound.

My first "I can't lie for toffee moment" came when I had a phone call from a friend who calls me several times a day and often speaks in a variety of accents to jazz up the chat. (Pick which ever accent you like to read the next line) "I keep dreaming you are pregnant, how amazing would that be?"

Oh shit how do I respond? Laugh it off? Say nothing? Change the subject? She will be able to sniff out my awkwardness, read the absolute panic in my mind.

After literally 2 seconds of silence trying to figure out my response she shouts  (again in any accent you wish) "Oh my God you are. You're pregnant and I knew it. I bloody knew It!" I was genuinely seconds pregnant when she guessed. I was still in Ibiza. I couldn't lie. I didn't know what my response should be. Do I utter the words "I'm pregnant"? That would make it real and I haven't actually muttered those words yet.

Shit this is going to be a hard 12 weeks!

I then discovered, once the psychic dreamer had sussed me, that social events were going to be the biggest challenge. Lying to friends and family while still trying to keep 'my nothing is going on face' as a strong convincing expression.

First social event was a gin themed wedding. Two of my favourite things combined into one day. How on earth can I get through a gin themed wedding without touching a drop? All I could think about was gin and how good it would taste. I was not prepared to say goodbye to delights of alcohol but I had to and I had to stick to my thrilling glass of lemonade. Oh what a treat! I decided I would drive, perhaps that would save me. Nope I still found myself lying and I developed a lie about an infected bite. I did have a bite that looked a bit dodgy on the top of my leg but it wasn't infected I just panicked and thought it was a solid cover up. I made it through the wedding....no confessions but a crappy cover story. Phew! That was hard. My love for gin is well known and not drinking it seemed bizarre.

Second event was a baby shower with the girls I did my teacher training with, commonly known as the quartet. Off we trotted to Southend with one of the other girls driving. Surely nothing could catch me out at a baby shower. Oh how wrong I was. As soon as we arrive the grandmother to be pours us each a prosecco. Time to lie again. "Not for me thank you I am on antibiotics"
Up pipes on the girls "what are you on antibiotics for? Are you ok?"
Think quickly Lizzie. Why are you on antibiotics?
"I'm fine it nothing to worry about it's just an infected bite". Might as well use the same lie for all situations- easier to remember. What I didn't expect was for the girls to insist I drop my trousers and show them the bite. Who does that? Who wants to see it? When I refused they then assumed I was pregnant as it was a "shit reason not to drink". So I must be preggers if I can't prove it. I vehemently denied their claims but that didn't stop them. The pregnant insisting went on and on and on. Chanting "drop your trousers, drop your trousers". They even congratulated Ed, thinking they were hilarious. Thankfully I had text him and prewarned him. His acting skills were fabulous. I was one proud drama teacher!
I didn't confirm their suspicions during the day or even give them an inkling that they had rumbled my lie but when I did eventually tell them a few weeks later they felt terrible. I found the whole thing funny. One of the girls actually text to apologise- bless her - picture is the conversation. I genuinely found it hilarious and loved the fact they thought they were comedy geniuses. Although they suspected it I don't actually think they believed it!

I discovered telling people you work with that you are pregnant can be awks. You see them for hours everyday and I was lying to them all day every day. I share an office with 2 others. One of them said to me one day "I love that shirt, it would be great to hide a pregnancy". Cue frozen Lizzie....how do you respond to that? Have a little chuckle and move on? Or just stare blankly as your brain isn't letting your mouth work? Either one is fine.

The other office housemate when I showed her a scan picture said "Oh my God is that yours? Did you know before the scan?" Erm yes I did but clearly lying to her worked a treat. I was proud of myself at this point. Small achievement, she didn't see through my lies.

There had been so many hilarious moments during the first 12 weeks that I wanted to share with people but as they didn't know I was pregnant it made it hard.
I personally feel one of the best moments was when a midwife told me in her very strong Spanish accent we were going to 'wait and hide'. I asked her to repeat it several times, assuming she wanted to play hide and seek which seemed like an  exceptionally weird request, until her colleague replied "She wants to take your weight and height". Oh for fucks sake Lizzie what is wrong with you? Why would she want to hide? These things only ever seem to happen to me.

Thankfully our first scan went well and the secret could be shared with the world. The only glitch was the appointment being 20 minutes late. I thought I was going to wet myself. I then get into the room and the sonographer says "your bladder isn't full enough". Are you joking love? I've drunk enough water to fill a bath tub. How do you expect me to get any more in?

This was a whole new world and I had discovered I am god awful at lying!